My sister learned how to masturbate

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From the tender age of four, rampant masturbation was my secret shame. I was watching a squirrel eating trash through a window one day in middle school when I learned what masturbation was. I started examining the list, which thus far was the most interesting part of the presentation.

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Anyone who's read my stuff knows I like it when things get a little goofy.

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Looks like you're in the UK. Did you know The Strategist is too? When I was 7 or 8, I hoisted myself into a tree and accidentally gave myself an orgasm. I only know that it made complete sense.

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